Distracted by the Shoulds

by Robert Jacobs

As a kid, I wanted everything to be in its proper order. My room may have looked like a mess, but I could always find everything in there and even tell you a story about it. This is the rock I found down by the creek three summers ago when I went exploring with my friends. This is my favorite cookbook to checkout of the school library because it has color picture instructions. These are my prized collection of Star-Wars VHS tapes that can only be used under my supervision. This desire for order, obviously, drove my parents a little crazy.

One morning, I was awakened by my father telling me that we needed to go to the hospital so my little sister could be born. I immediately began my routine for leaving the house: go to the bathroom, wash my face, get dressed, eat breakfast, and walk out the door. As I began to make my way through the process, my father exasperatedly explained to me that we did not have time for the full routine, quickly dressing me in my Mickey Mouse robe and slippers. I was appalled. How could I go out dressed like this? To make matters worse, my mother, to my horror, was also in her night clothes. I protested, explaining that the doctor would be very mad if we showed up at his office like this. They assured me that the hospital would be fine with our attire and rushed us all out the door.

Today, I am waiting for my own daughter to be born. Counting down the final weeks, my wife and I are thrilled to finally meet her. As I look back on the birth of my sister, I cannot help but laugh. While there are many funny aspects of that story, I am most amused at how I missed the truly important event happening that day. I was so distracted by what we SHOULD have done, that I missed the wonder of another life coming into this world. Although I do not think that I will be as concerned with my clothing when I rush my wife to the hospital, I must admit that I still often overlook the important things God is doing because I am distracted by my unmet expectations.

Far from being a twenty-first-century problem, this kind of distracted demeanor can even be seen in the people who walked with Christ. One such example comes in the story of the death and resurrection of Lazarus. Upon hearing of his friend’s illness, Jesus decides to wait two days before beginning the journey to his home.  When Christ finally arrives, Lazarus had been dead for four days. Upon seeing Jesus, Lazarus’ sister Martha exclaims, “Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died” (John 11:21). Interestingly, this same sentiment is echoed by Martha’s sister, Mary: “Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died” (John 11:32). Even the crowd at the tomb jumps on the bandwagon, stating, “Could not he who opened the eyes of the blind man have kept this man from dying?” (John 11:37)

All three of these responses focus on what the speaker believes Jesus SHOULD have done rather than looking to what he WAS DOING. In their grief, these onlookers could only see the situation through the lens of their expectations. They knew that Jesus was capable of miracles (see verse 37) and they reasoned that he could and should have healed his friend. They were correct in acknowledging His power, but they wrongly attempt to submit Him to their own will by scripting Him, explaining to the Son of God how He should display His glory. Christ even explains why he let the situation happen as it did, “that they may believe that you (God) sent me” (John 11:42).

What about you? In your prayers, are you telling God what he SHOULD be doing? Are you telling him that he should have taken away your sin struggles? Are you telling him that He should have given you a spouse by now? Are you telling him that He should provide you with attention, affirmation, and affection in the way you have envisioned it?

Rather than telling God what He should do, we need to instead look to what he is doing. What is God doing in your life right now? How is he offering you attention, affirmation, and affection in ways that you did not expect? What miracles have come out of your past, unmet expectations? When we look to what God is doing rather than waiting for him to work in the ways we have planned, we find that He indeed gives abundant life (John 10:10), unlike our anxiety which only produces sin and death.

Contrary To Nature

by Robert Jacobs

As a species, humans innately seek their own preservation, an instinct to not simply subsist but to prepare ourselves to survive in an increasingly hostile world. Dr. Richard F. Taflinger, associate clinical professor of communications at Washington State University, clarifies this concept in his explanation of the biological impetus for the self-preservation reflex: “To be successful as a species, the members of that species must have a desire to survive…a species with a death-wish dies out rather quickly.”

Professor Taflinger’s description of self-preservation, while somewhat tongue and cheek, does seem to be borne out by my own personal experiences. We live in a world that appears to be governed by the principle of “the survival of the fittest” (Darwin). To put it more succinctly, if you want to succeed (let alone survive), you have to look out for your own interests at all times. Despite the instinctive nature of this self-centered focus, Christ calls his followers to live a very different life, one defined by self-sacrifice rather than self-promotion. 

As Christ explained to His disciples the necessity of His suffering and death, He provided them with a road map for following His teachings:

Then Jesus told his disciples, “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me.” Matthew 16:24 (ESV)

This teaching completely contradicts the human instinct for self-preservation and promotion. Rather than seeking our own good, Christ calls us to imitate Him, rejecting what we desire in order to follow the will of the Father. In His own humanity, we see Jesus struggle with this principle during his conversation with the Father in the Garden of Gethsemane (Matthew 26:36-46). Christ admits that the crucifixion was not something He desired by asking, “if it be possible, let this cup pass from me;” however, he ultimately abandons his own desires to follow the will of the Father, stating, “nevertheless, not as I will, but as you will.” We have been called to imitate Christ, to lay down our own desires to worship the Father through fulfilling his will.

Because this pushes against our very nature, the process of choosing God over our desires is extremely difficult. In Psalm 51, David notes that our very nature is corrupt and, thus, all humans have a natural inclination toward sin (Ps. 51:5). Our very nature is to not desire the things of God. Consequently, Matthew uses extremely strong phraseology in this passage. He employs the Greek phrase ἀπαρν-έομαι, an expression also used by both Aristotle and Thucydides to denote a complete rejection, to deny to the uttermost (Liddell and Scott). To reject what we desire is to contradict the sinful instincts at the core of our being, a difficult task to say the least.

This teaching of sacrifice causes one to pause and ask, “If I am forfeiting everything I desire, how will I ever be satisfied and fulfilled?” Jesus addresses this question immediately after commanding his followers to deny themselves:

“…For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will find it.” Matthew 16:25

When we abandon our wishes for God’s will, Jesus tells us that we will actually find the life that we thought we would obtain through our initial longings. In other words, the very things we pursue apart from God in an attempt to fulfill us are the very things that keep us from finding true joy and satisfaction.

For those who struggle with same-sex attraction, this command of self-denial seems completely unfair. After all, Christ is not asking those who are heterosexually attracted to forgo having sex with their spouse. Why can these individuals satisfy their sexual longings while those who are same-sex attracted are asked to deny that ostensibly same desire? While I would be sure to note that these desires are not the same, I would more emphatically reply that heterosexuals are just as inclined to sexual sin as those who struggle with same-sex attraction. For instance, Dr. Susan Krauss Whitbourne’s research conclusively demonstrates that all people, no matter how they are sexually oriented, tend to fantasize about other partner’s while having sex. As I noted in an earlier devotional, this kind of mental sexualization and consumption directly contradicts the teachings of Christ. As David states in his Psalm, we are all inclined toward sin and Christ states that to follow him, we must deny those sinful desires, no matter what form they take.

Do you believe that if you abandon your sinful desires that God will offer you true life and fulfillment?  Are you willing to deny yourself, take up your cross, and follow Christ? In order to follow Jesus, you must be willing to do precisely that. We must continually ask ourselves, “What will it profit me if I gain the whole world—the perfect job, a flawless body, the picture-perfect life partner—yet I forfeit my soul” (Matt 16:26).

References

Darwin, Charles. “Letter 5140 – Wallace, A. R. to Darwin, C. R., 2 July 1866.” The Darwin Correspondence Project: Cambridge University. http://www.darwinproject.ac.uk/letter/DCP-LETT-5140.xml#back-mark-5140.f5.

A Greek-English Lexicon: With a Revised Supplement, Ninth Revised Edition.

Edited by H.G. Liddell, R. Scott. Oxford: Oxford University Press, 1996. s.v. ἀπαρν-έομαι

Taflinger, Richard F. “Taking Advantage: The Biological Basis of Human Behavior.” Washington State University. http://public.wsu.edu/~taflinge/biology.html.

Whitbourne, Susan Krauss. “Why We Fantasize About Other Partners.” Psychology Today. Nov. 1, 2014. https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/fulfillment-any-age/201411/why-we-fantasize-about-other-partners.

Questioning Questions

by Robert Jacobs


“You are going to wear that?”

“What were you thinking?”

“Who’s ready for another test?”

Often when we pose a question, we do not actually want to know the information we supposedly seek. Instead, we use questions as a cover for making a statement.  The friend who asks about your attire does not want to actually know what you will wear to the party, but instead shows disdain for your fashion choices. The exasperated parent probably does not want a blow by blow account of their child’s decision-making process, but instead desires to express their frustration. The sarcastic teacher does not want to assess your preparedness for the next test, but rather comments upon the absurdity of the imposed exam schedule.

Rather than being interrogative—or answer seeking—these questions are declarative in nature. Linguist Mick Short notes that often people will assume that all questions are interrogative when in fact many are declarative. (Short, 2013) Jesus very clearly differentiates between these two kinds of questions in the way that he responds to them as recorded in scripture. Despite a trend to posset Christianity as a blind, unquestioning faith rooted in anti-intellectualism (Reeves, 2012), Christ himself shows that he longs to answer questions that truly seek answers.

While there are numerous accounts of people asking Jesus questions, the Synoptic Gospels all share a set of exchanges where the Teachers of the Law ask Christ a sequence of declarative questions. The statements, guised as questions, ask for clarification regarding Jesus’ authority (Luke 20:1-8; Matthew 21:23-27; Mark 11:27-33), paying taxes (Luke 20:20-26; Matthew 22:15-22; Mark 12:13-17), and the resurrection. (Luke 20:27-40; Matthew 22:23-33; Mark 12:18-27) In reality, none of these questions are asked to gain knowledge. Instead, these questions were asked to make a statement about the authority of the Teachers of the Law, to justify their self-righteousness and diminish the authority of Jesus. In response to these non-questions, Jesus offers veiled answers, or his own questions in turn. These ostensible non-responses, however, do not indicate that Christ scorns all questions.

Amidst all of the declarative questions, Mark records a Scribe who actually asks an interrogative, answer-seeking question:

One of the teachers of the law came and heard them debating. Noticing that Jesus had given them a good answer, he asked him, “Of all the commandments, which is the most important?”

“The most important one,” answered Jesus, “is this: ‘Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one. Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.’ The second is this: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no commandment greater than these.”

“Well said, teacher,” the man replied. “You are right in saying that God is one and there is no other but him. To love him with all your heart, with all your understanding and with all your strength, and to love your neighbor as yourself is more important than all burnt offerings and sacrifices.”

When Jesus saw that he had answered wisely, he said to him, “You are not far from the kingdom of God.” (Mark 12: 28-34, NIV)

Mark notes that in response to the wisdom of Jesus, this particular Scribe asks a question that seeks an answer rather than asking a non-question in order to bolster his own position, glorify himself, and diminish Christ. In response to the Scribe’s desire for knowledge, Jesus offers a very clear response that the Scribe, in turn, intellectually engages with in a way that fortifies the truth of who God is in relationship to His creation. In comparison to the declarative questions, this kind of question asking is much more productive, with Jesus even acknowledging the outcome of the exchange as wise.

What kinds of questions do you ask God? He is not anti-question or anti-intellectual as some in our culture would claim; however, as these passages attest, there are different kinds of questions we can ask. Are you asking a question because you want God to reinforce His truth in your life, or are you asking a question to justify your sin? Do you want a clear answer from the God of the Universe who cannot be untrue to his holiness, justice, and love, or do you want Him to bend to your perspective on reality? We should all think through these ideas as we “approach God with freedom and confidence” (Ephesians 3:12, NIV) to ask our questions. He lovingly and longingly waits to provide knowledge to those who truly seek it.

References

Reeves, Josh. "Theology and the Problem of Expertise." Theology Today 69, no. 1 (April 2012): 34-42.

Short, Mick. Exploring the Language of Poems, Plays and Prose (Learning about Language).  London: Routledge, 2013. 198-202.