Wait to Date?

By D'Ann Davis

“For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven.”  
Ecclesiastes 3:1

Why would one ever wait to date? Is that not the whole reason people come to Living Hope, to date someone of the opposite sex and get married? Well, not particularly. While opposite sex dating and marriage is a good goal to have and one often realized by people at Living Hope that is not the reason we exist. We seek to help people find healing and freedom through intimacy with Christ. Sometimes that results in healthy heterosexual relationships and marriage, and other times that results in healthy, fulfilling celibacy and service in the church body. Often, pre-mature dating can interfere with the healing and freedom purposes. Here are some reasons why a person seeking freedom in sexual and relational struggles might need to wait to date.

1. He/She is not ready. Most people who come to us have long-standing addictions or are just getting out of unhealthy relationships. Immediately jumping into another relationship with all the same baggage will not aid one’s cause. We encourage at least six months of sexual and unhealthy relationship sobriety along with significant steps toward healing before strugglers consider dating anyone.

2. It is a distraction. Any romantic relationship presents two new sets of issues: the issues of the other person and the issues of the relationship itself.  If one has not worked through his or her own baggage, then the presence of new problems to sort through will interfere with the primary goal of personal healing in Christ for the struggler. A struggler is wise not to jump into a relationship until she has a firm grasp on the wounds that drive her struggle, has made significant headway in those areas of brokenness, is walking in wholeness as an individual, and is ready to pour into another instead of cling to them for completion.

3. He/She does not know what healthy looks like. The nature of lesbian relationships is emotional enmeshment and intensity.  A woman who has not learned to relate in healthy ways will feel let down by the seemingly boring nature of a healthy relationship. She will likely attribute this letdown to the idea that she is immutably gay when in reality, she is simply unhealthy. She might be tempted to wrongly blame the failure of the relationship on the fact that the other is male and not on the fact that she has not learned what healthy relating means. She is sabotaging her own efforts in dating by pursuing it too soon. Men can face the same dilemma in not feeling the same intense physical pull to a woman that they do to another man, without realizing that the attraction to women will look different than the draw toward men.

Dating in pursuit of marriage is a good thing that honors God’s complementary design of one man and one woman. Timing is everything though and it behooves strugglers to seek wise counsel, the Scriptures, prayer, emotional healing, and sexual sobriety before considering moving forward in romantic relationship with the opposite sex. In the span of one’s life, six months is not a long time to wait if it increases one’s ability to have a healthy, God-honoring relationship with someone of the opposite sex.  The fruit is worth the wait.

Nebuchadnezzar's Repentance

By Samuel Parish

“...for his dominion is an everlasting dominion,

    and his kingdom endures from generation to generation;
all the inhabitants of the earth are accounted as nothing,
    and he does according to his will among the host of heaven
    and among the inhabitants of the earth;
and none can stay his hand
    or say to him, “What have you done?”

If you had to guess where to find these verses in the Bible, where do you think you would find them?

The Psalms?

One of the Old Testament Fathers?

A minor prophet?

Would it surprise you find out these words are the final confession of King Nebuchadnezzar in Daniel 4 (verses 34b-35)?

When we think of Nebuchadnezzar, it’s easy to see him only as the wicked, pagan king who tried to kill three Hebrew men who would not bow to his giant golden statue when the music played. We find great comfort that God saves his people from those who would stand against God and his commands, and are stirred to endure great hardship because of it. But what about the man who saw God intervene for his people, and still shook his fist at him in rebellion? Is the Book of Daniel just that God saves those who faithfully follow after him? Or is there something more?

In Chapter 4, Daniel warns the king that if his arrogance continues, God will bring him low. It is a gentle but firm warning to turn away from pride and toward righteousness. The king refuses and is driven from his kingdom until he comes to the end of himself and repents. In his repentance, God restores this pagan king to his throne and gives him greater wealth than before. This king who attacked and destroyed Jerusalem is given the chance to repent and there at the end of his life, he does.

May this be a word of hope for those of us who have spent our lives in rebellion against God. You are not so far gone that the spirit of God cannot bring change in your life. As we turn from our pride, and turn to righteousness we will see our lives restored to the beauty that God intended for each of us. 

No Condemnation

by Ricky Chelette 

“There is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.” 
Romans 8:1

How many of us feel condemned for things we have done in our past or temptations and difficulties we have in our present? When we understand the Gospel, and what Christ has done for us on the cross, we realize that we are no longer condemned because Christ has taken on the penalty of our sin.

Isaiah prophesied about just such a Savior in Isa. 53:6 “…the Lord has laid on him the iniquity of us all.” Isa. 53:10 “Yet it was the Lord’s will to crush him and cause him to suffer, and though the Lord makes his life an offering for sin.”

Or in Rom 5:18-19 we read, “Consequently, just as one trespass resulted in condemnation for all people, so also one righteous act resulted in justification and life for all people. For just as through the disobedience of the one man the many were made sinners, so also through the obedience of the one man the many will be made righteous.”

When we believe and trust in the work of Christ we are freed from the condemnation of our sin. The devil would love to remind us of our past and condemn us in our sin, but Christ’s grace and mercy frees us.

The truth is, you are NOT your sin and your sin should never define you. When you are in Christ, you become the adopted son or daughter of God. You are a child of the King. You are freed from a life defined by brokenness, and empowered to live as an heir to the Kingdom of God! Whose voice are you listening to this day? Are you listening to the devil and his accusations and lies, or Christ and His call to you as a son or daughter?